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Another Maybe

Lol. I know this article will be full of maybe. Now look😂

April 2020

There goes another maybe. Maybe maybe maybe. We suppose to figure out what we want already or what we are actually looking for. In the us my mates already have kids and now here I am too blind to even know what I want. Maybe if I wasn’t even afraid of death I would have already killed myself a long time ago.

I would have when Timothy friend sexual assaulted me and told me I like it because I was wet, I didn’t even know what it meant to be wet I was 15. Maybe I would have killed myself then. Or *another maybe* when I started having the tots. I started having the tots then. It was then, I imagined sniper and the rest stuffs. Or when people claimed to love Me, even though they didn’t. Let’s just say I am not afraid of death but I am definitely afraid of going to hell. But then I blame God everyday.

Know

He suppose to know right. He suppose to know how I am feeling, He suppose to send somebody. But I have waited, waited for 5 years and I have not seen anybody. Maybe He doesn’t even care. He cares about me, I know. But he should have sent some.

Was it David who judged me? Or Oliver who is trying to rip me off? Always borrowing. Or who? Chris? Israel? Sharon?  Joy? Emma?. I was their friend. Joy and Emma left me hanging. I should have studied by myself but I didn’t even know what I was reading, or I felt I wasn’t even reading. Now my junior sister who always felt she was older is now in the same class with me. I know when I said I was a failure. Now you believe it

        Now you believe it too. Or is it just my thinking. Even though my parents didn’t say it or Bro Ben didnt say it, they are all disappointed. But they don’t wanna say it or they just already know I was going to fail. Maybe they all already know. Sometimes you ever wonder,  do this person really like me for me?. We may never actually know what’s  going on in some people head and then we be like can this person please talk to me why is he not with his phone and doesn’t he see me. Maybe he doesn’t.

he doesn’t even know I exist. that is weird right, it had to be weird because we see each other often but what if he doeesn’t really sees me he just sees another shadow passing by. Another human walking pass.

     What if he already have someone on his mind?. I don’t really have anything on my mind but I decided to check on you guys. How are you doing?, Yeah something is definitely on my mind. Now they extended the lock down and they have started stealing, like armed robbery and I am getting scared, before it was just in Ibadan and Now we have it in Lagos.

And my people wont even hear about putting off the lights. I get. They Rob estates to so I can’t say we ate save inside an estate. You feel me so I don’t know we should be a little cautious because I am feeling cautious. Me getting sacred over covid19 and robbery. No money in the land. Damn I am over sacred and I don’t know about you all but I have to be careful.

April 27 2020

How was your lock down like? Where you scared? What did you do to overcome it? I know lock down is over but I want to hear it.

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